You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
