its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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