I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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