i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
