I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So drunk its hurt
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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