she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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