3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize