she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
