if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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