I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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