I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
