I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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