People with herpes should wear stickers.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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