I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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