Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We had sex on a dog bed..
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
