I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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