I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
