I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How does one acquire holy water?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
