Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
