theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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