are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
