There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
