he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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