you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
