I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm like, not good at living.
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