We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
