You can't motorboat a personality
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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