Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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