Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
