You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
should my penis look like a turkey
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
