drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
