at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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