Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
