Can i not drive my cunt home
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
