the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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