I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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