This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
