If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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