but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
