i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
