remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
