She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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