mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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