The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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