I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
