I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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