why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
