if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
