i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
