I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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