So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
