glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
