Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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