Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
