I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
