I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
