Having a random hookup so left but love u
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
