The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This is my life. Enjoy the view
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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