Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize