idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize