Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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