Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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