I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm always down for nudity.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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