you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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