Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
