Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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