i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize