if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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