Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
