One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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