OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
