Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
