dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
