Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize