She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
