This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize