Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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