I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
