Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you made out with another girl for some wings
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
