The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
