I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
