I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
