i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
