I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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