I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
