He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Randomize
