But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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