i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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